Sunday, July 2, 2017

Again and Again

The term "finding yourself" seems like a total BS to me, I like it better as "getting to know yourself". We are constantly changing, every second, and I don't really see that as a bad thing. Obviously I'm still in the process of learning and getting to know myself a lot more and to think that I would be a totally different person by next year is something both exciting and scary at the same time. I don't exactly believe in astrology and all however I do enjoy reading about traits and personalities that comes to being a Cancer-Leo cusp that I am.

This thing about "cusp" is in fact a rather new thing that I learned from a friend of mine about two months ago. Turns out because my birthdate is on the 19th of July, which is on the last few days of Cancer, really near to being a Leo, I am in fact in between those two and the term for it is cusp. Basically you have two signs ruling over you, and right after I knew that everything made so much more sense, which I've always thought myself as a Cancer however somehow the things I've read about being a Cancer is usually written as an introverted, overly-sensitive, and shy person which I know for a fact I am not. Sasya told me about this website, in which if you look up my birthdate, everything that is written on that page is 100% accurate. To cut short, "Those born on the 19th of the month are ruled by the number 1 (1+9=10, 1+0=1), and by the Sun. Because of the fact that July 19 people are born on the first day of the Cancer-Leo cusp, which is strongly influenced by both the Moon (Cancer) and the Sun (Leo), there are inevitable conflicts between more extroverted Sun and Number 1 influences and inward Moon influences, with the active Sun influences usually predominating. Those ruled by the number 1 tend to be ambitious and dislike restraint."

"These individuals are in a position to leave their mark on the world permanently. However, it is important for them to realize that their life is not about fame or riches but about making the world a better place. Symbolically, a kind of sacrifice is called for here. They give up some of their freedom and ethereal ways for the greater good of humankind, or even just for their families, by allowing themselves to be tied down to routines, schedules, and deadlines. By so allowing themselves to be limited, they are performing a service. The writer who sits down day after day gives pleasure to the reader; the scientist who spends hours in the laboratory testing hypotheses gives mankind the benefit of greater knowledge; and the artist who gropes within himself for higher ideals and studies his craft to ground abstraction in something the viewer can see or hear gives us understanding and inspiration. As they progress, these people will truly embody the individual complete unto themselves. They will not only experience the satisfaction of giving their ideas and visions form, but they will also find deep fulfillment and a sense of completion within themselves."

"They have a dynamic side that can put them in situations of risk-taking and danger. They generally crave excitement; whether in business, romance or free time, they need to meet challenges dauntlessly. Their calm under fire, their moral courage and their decision-making potential usually stand them in good stead in crises and emergencies, but their drive toward challenge periodically gets out of control. At work this can manifest as megalomania, or the desire to take on the world. In their leisure time, primarily driven by an unconscious drive for near-death experience, they may seek out activities like hang-gliding, riverrafting or mountainclimbing. They may also sublimate these extreme impulses into a hyperactive fantasy life that can only be satiated through action movies, adventure novels or video games, often in excessive quantity."

Change is inevitable, we are never constant. How fun it would be if I were to meet my past selves and get to know them, and I would say to myself that I still have a lot to experience and things to do in the future, and most importantly do not ever get caught up in the present as it is going to pass in a blink of an eye. I found a new version of my self and the fact that I feel so free about it is very strange. Have not felt like this ever, trust me, ever. I'm talking about how different and crazy to see how much I have changed in terms of how I think to even how I dress. I have become much more open, eager to learn new things and let the colors and sunshine of the world soak into my skin.

Anyway, this post has been the hundredth post in which I said I was going to write a lot more and post a lot more in here, since that urge comes and goes. My mojo doesn't quite stay for a long time, which is a problem, but I am somewhat determined to actually start blogging again cause of my love for writing, sharing, and being creative. Lots of ideas for content are already listed in my bullet journal, so the problem is that I just need to actually do them. Tons of things and ideas cross my mind each day, and I do have my own private journal but that means I won't get to share them with the world. I do hope this is the last post I will ever write about starting over, and I'll actually really start.

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